Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
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Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think a kid would responsible me up
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
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he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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