she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Randomize
