so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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