He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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