I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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