Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
