my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
