I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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