i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
