It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Text me some of your sweat
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
