i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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