I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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