Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Randomize
