thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
