Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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