is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
