One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
