How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
