the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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