; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
