When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
