She's JV to your varsity
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
You are a genius and a whore.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
