We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
