Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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