Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
