The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Randomize
