i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I need to calm my uterus...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Randomize
