when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
