ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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