He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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