Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
