clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
