Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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