puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
