its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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