Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
