perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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