Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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