dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
