I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize