The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
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I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
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He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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