Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Randomize
