Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
