dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
