I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
