you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
