remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
This is my life. Enjoy the view
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Randomize
