Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
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