Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
