Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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