Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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