Got a toothbrush?
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
