I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
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