i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
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