She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
