I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
