If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
