I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Randomize
