I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
