I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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