I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Drunk is not a location!
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
