i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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