Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We got so high we made milksteak
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
