At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
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