u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
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How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize