You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
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