I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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