So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
