Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
