this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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