(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
