im having a threesome with these popsicles
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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