so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
