im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
