My first STD was from a foam party
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
